My Macbook Pro’s battery died a long time ago. I have been an Apple user since around 2003, when I purchased, with the help of my mother, a Powerbook G4. I liked the name by the way -powerbook. That power had to come from somewhere right? Power isn’t cheap people. That is why batteries for the Powerbook were over 100 dollars, that and those batteries are state of the freakin’ art. My laptop battery has a microprocessor inside. Clearly that justifies the cost. My battery is so powerful I can calibrate it. So here is the deal. With the Powerbook G4 all you had to do was charge the battery to full and then fully drain the battery. Doing so would calibrate the battery.
My girlfriend, the angel that she is, bought me a MacBook Pro two Christmas ago (I’m a Jew btw, no complaints though). When the battery died, being a complacent and easy going person I am I was resigned to letting my MacBook Pro become a desktop computer. But then I had to do something -go somewhere with my computer. I was relegated to vainly struggling to find outlets. These were often located near the bathrooms of coffee shops. Unhip and uncool. So I purchased a new battery today. It cost 130 dollars. Fuck me running, 130 bucks?! Anyways, I took the baby home and am excited to have a “laptop again”. A computing device which when fully charged gives me the freedom of mobility and the opportunity to sterilize my genitals as powerhog computing machine that it is radiates massive amounts of heat directly into my groin area. Some people might say to use it on a flat surface but then it wouldn’t be a laptop would it? It would be more like a flattop and that just sounds stupid.
The genius at the Apple store informed me that the lifespan of a MacBook Pro 15-inch Rechargeable Battery is 300 cycles. But as you use the battery it needs to be calibrated. This is how Apple states one calibrates a MacBook Pro battery.
- Plug in the power adapter and fully charge your PowerBook’s battery until the light ring or LED on the power adapter plug changes to green and the onscreen meter in the menu bar indicates that the battery is fully charged.
- Allow the battery to rest in the fully charged state for at least two hours. You may use your computer during this time as long as the adapter is plugged in.
- Disconnect the power adapter while the computer still on and start running the computer off battery power. You may use your computer during this time. When your battery gets low, the low battery warning dialog appears on the screen.
- At this point, save your work. Continue to use your computer; when the battery gets very low, the computer will automatically go to sleep.
- Turn off the computer or allow it to sleep for five hours or more.
- Connect the power adapter and leave it connected until the battery is fully charged again.
I don’t really understand the 2 hour and 5 hour rule. Seems pretty retarded to me but whatever, there you go. So now you know how to calibrate your Macbook Pro. Rejoice.
-ABALL